The uncontrollable comes. Sometimes in small waves, sometimes the waves come crashing, as it was for Danni who had her child in a frenzy of unknowns, born at 29 weeks premature.

Aside from the physical toll that takes on both mother and child, the emotional strain is long lasting.

Danni’s small community of Winchelsea rallied around her family when they were able to bring home their daughter, Evelyn, for the first time.

After five months in a neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) and the Ronald McDonald House, it was another big adjustment. 

While others stared ‘out of curiosity’ at the oxygen tank and feeding tube Danni’s precious baby had, her local community chose kind action. They held fundraisers and had a meal train going so that Danni and her family of four, who had been separated for a large chunk of time, tag teaming it to and from the hospital, could focus on being just that- a family at home, resettling.

“I will never forget it,” said Danni. “It has changed my life, for the good and also- it was a negative thing- but I have been able to empower so many people with information around the journey.”

Danni, like her community, has gone on to rally around others. She rates community as the most important thing. It was one of the reasons her family chose to move to Winchelsea in the first place. Previously, in the bigger regional city of Geelong, they were in the rat race. They had no yard and lived right next to their neighbours but didn’t know them.

In Geelong and Winchelsea, playgroup has had a significant role in creating a sense of comfort, reassurance, distraction and fun for Danni and her family.

“I love it. I have met some really amazing people through playgroup, bringing people together.”

“Charlie for example had just moved to Winch, I randomly saw her at the café and we had playgroup that day. Both of our daughters, my second born Evelyn, was a micro prem and so was Charlie’s daughter Aria, so we connected over that but she didn’t know anyone in town, they had been here for three weeks, so that is why I do it because I think it is really important to have connection- connection to community, connection to other families and other children. I just have made some really great friends and connections through playgroup which I am very fortunate to have.”

Charlie won’t forget that small act of kindness when Danni invited her to come along to playgroup.

“Having this [playgroup] here has opened up so many doors and so many friendships for Aria which is huge. She is an only child, and she will only ever be an only child, so it is so important for us to make sure she has got a community of peers that she can grow up with.

“That is why we moved to Winchelsea because of the community and then this has just made everything a hundred times better.”

Charlie and Danni both had similar rocky starts- their daughters born at 27-29 weeks.

“It's crazy,” said Charlie.

“That was our first experience. That is our first child and that was our first experience of dealing with anything like that and being thrown into intensive care.”

“We had a really rough start so anything for her to engage with people is huge for us because we had three months of isolation with her, so we were always really worried about how she would interact with others and stuff like that. Having this playgroup is just amazing, so incredible for her and having that connection with Evy. They both weighed 602 grams when they were born, both of them. It just blows my mind that they were exactly the same.”

One thing often overlooked is the ongoing challenges premature babies endure, alongside their families. Evelyn had grommet surgery and has others upcoming. Aria has regular appointments at the Royal Children’s to get her heart checked.

“It was, for us, it was all about community then. It was the support that we had that made us rethink our whole lifestyle of where we were, where we didn’t have a community connection and that is why we chose to move to Winchelsea for community. This really helped us and solidified we have done the right thing by coming here to engage with this community.”

“They are all really supportive and I don’t know- everyone is like family so it’s great.”

Playgroup has been a joyful and comforting place for Charlie and her daughter Aria. Aria and Evelyn, and Evelyn’s sister Elsie, have a strong bond and spend the morning playing and sharing each other’s food from their lunchboxes.

That is another component often unacknowledged during the early chapters of a premature birth- the challenge for the other siblings. “It impacted our whole family,” said Danni. “The playgroup has also helped so much.”

Danni’s daughters come and help her set up every fortnight.

“Which she thinks is great because they are also contributing to the community too and it is just like a second home for lots of families and a good place where I can check in with other people and see how they are going because sometimes they may not have that so I am super passionate about that connection.”

Charlie smiles wide when it is mentioned that Danni has been announced as a local Playgroup Champion, as part of the Playgroup Victoria initiative.

“Danni is incredible in doing this and everything she has been through with Evie. It’s not easy and she still shows up, still got a smile of her face, still makes sure that all the kids are well looked after and have these sorts of opportunities, so it’s amazing.”

For Danni, she feels that the playgroup gives back to her, twice over. She talks about how passionate she is about playgroup.

Danni has played a big part in two organisations supporting families with premature and sick babies: one is called Miracle Babies, they are based in Sydney, and one is Life’s Little Treasures Foundation and they are based in Melbourne. She also started a playgroup in Geelong for families who have experienced premature birth or sick babies.

The organisations and playgroups help the mums to better process the challenges they are going through- and feel connected to others who understand that experience. Danni said that is a vital part of coping.  

“As Charlie probably said, it’s a shared trauma,” said Danni.

“Once you know someone who has been in it, they understand. I suppose it is like, I shouldn’t compare, but if you have been sick, it is a journey that you would never wish on anybody, but you can at least talk about it and know that someone else has been through it and understands the grief.”

“We are lucky. There are a lot of families that didn’t get to bring their babies home. That could have been us.”

Danni has been advocating to government for parents to receive further funding support if they have a child before 37 weeks. By the time Danni brought Evelyn home from hospital, her maternity leave was already over. It was hard for the whole family. Danni couldn’t possibly drop Evelyn off at a childcare with oxygen and a feeding tube. Not that she wanted to.

Danni and her family’s life revolves around therapy: two, three, sometimes four appointments a week. That is why playgroup is so important to Danni.

When Danni speaks about the good that has come from her experience, you can see what she means while spending a morning at the playgroup.

“People just want connection, they come for connection, they come not to feel judged. We had a bit of a frazzled morning and I just spoke to two of the parents and that just defused my bad mood because I was out, I forgot about it.”

Charlie has felt that soothing nature of playgroup too and enjoys the relaxed time with other families.

“The benefit is, it’s not just for your kids to play, mums get a bit of a break”, laughs Charlie, “but I also think that you get to know others in the community and to hear their stories and feel supported by everyone else is huge and just do it- just put yourself out there.”

“I know it was hard for me because it was just me and Aria and then it was like- coming into something like this on my own is nerve wracking, but the support everyone shows you is incredible so it is definitely worth it because I was never able to be part of a mothers group or anything like that so this has kind of made it all worthwhile. I think, it’s okay I didn’t get a mothers group but this has become that for me so it’s nice.”

The children have been through the hard parts of their early days but here, all of that fades into the background and their job is to enjoy themselves, to have fun and play.

“It’s been Aria’s favourite day. She looks forward to coming here because of everything that Danni puts together. She does such a great job.”

For all the kids here, they spread their wings in the friendly and familiar play space.

Theo, Sarah’s firstborn, loves playgroup.

“Theo loves coming here. It’s like his favourite day of the week for sure. He woke up this morning and said, ‘Are we going to playgroup today mummy’ and I said, ‘Yeah we are!’ and he just jumped out of bed, so excited to get dressed. It is so nice. He loves coming here.”

Sarah and her family moved here earlier this year, two weeks before her second child was born. While Sarah found it a little nerve wracking coming along to playgroup for the first time, she quickly shed those butterflies and began to enjoy herself.

“Danni, she was so warm, so welcoming, have really great chats, really beautiful children, she is an awesome mum, she gets so involved with everyone. I feel like she makes such an effort to go around and get to know everyone around here which is nice. First week we came, she was really good at introducing me to lots of people so I wasn’t just sitting on my own which was lovely.”

This time around Sarah didn’t get a mothers group with her second born and didn’t know a soul in town so the playgroup has been important to her. As a full-time mum, Sarah loves the adult conversations and socialising.

“I have made some great connections, some friends, even just going to the park with them and stuff like that, it’s so nice. You have nothing to lose, it’s so fun.”

“Danni is a beautiful soul,” Sarah said while playing with her son, Archie.

Danni is a kinder teacher and felt it a natural progression to take over the playgroup when the previous leaders children grew older and they moved onto school and the next chapters of life.

Danni describes the playgroup experience as “her jam”.

“Playgroup is, as a kinder teacher and as a parent, it is just so important because the toys are different, if you are going through a hard time you can share in those moments and build those friendships outside of what you have already got- and there is no judgement. We have made it $5 a family and we supply morning tea and a cuppa. Sometimes you just need that, you just need that.”

Danni watches on as her girls play and has a great respect for what that means in the modern world as screens and distraction become part of the norm.

“It is the language that they speak, play. That is how children make meaning, that is how they get new knowledge, it is how they regulate themselves.”

Playgroup is a good marker of time. The shared experience allows the children, parents and carers to grow together.

“Everyone has seen her grow, from this tiny little dot in a capsule that had an oxygen tank and a feeding tube to now, she is walking and talking so that has been a really good thing for people to see,” said Danni.

Charlie feels the same way. She reflects on Aria’s early experiences.

Alongside their children, the mums here have developed. While they each carry their own hardships, they have also grown resilient. Love has galvanized them.

“She has kind of made me stronger really,” said Charlie, “by what she gone through and seen what she has come through and everything else is just nothing compared to what she has had to go through.”

At playgroup, everyone can let their guard down and the heightened fear and uncertainty they often feel retreats. The waves of uncertainty are still.

That is why the act of play is so important in Danni’s eyes. It creates space for connection and community.

“This is just a space that doesn’t focus on an outcome, she can just be.”

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Article by Sinead Halliday
Photography by Mylie Nauendorf