“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but building the new.”- Socrates

Can you remember words of encouragement a teacher gave you? Do you remember someone who left you a note, making you feel valued? Has a friend given you the time to process something challenging or supported you to make a breakthrough? Has someone given you an opportunity that changed your life for the better?

These are often small, fleeting, gentle exchanges, a ripple on the water’s surface that expands and flows, connecting with the greater possibilities at sea.

For Gwen, her change began when she was driving past a neighbourhood house with her parents. They encouraged her to go in and enquire about a job.

Maree, the then neighbourhood house coordinator, asked Gwen to come back the following week for the playgroup. That moment changed Gwen’s life.

“She has always been, I would say, courageous with the things she has taken on and is always willing to participate and help out,” said Maree.

“She is just an amazing human.”

Gwen’s playgroup community contacted Playgroup Victoria as part of the Playgroup Champions initiative. They nominated Gwen as a local champion. They wanted to thank her for all that she has contributed since she first arrived at the neighbourhood house.

Gwen has a disability but that is not what this story is about- that does not define her.

The playgroup community gathered to acknowledge the positive impact she has made.

Playgroup Victoria presented Gwen with flowers and a certificate, knowing that without people like Gwen, playgroups don’t become the life-changing spaces that they can be.

Maree gets to the crux of the matter:

“She turns up every week to help Tracy with playgroup, to set everything up for you, to look out for you and your children so know in your heart, like us, you can see what a special person beautiful Gwen is. I would also like to acknowledge Gwen’s Mum and Dad.”

As Gwen stands to speak to the families, children and community members present, tears spring up in many eyes.

A great wave of emotion rises in Gwen, for all that has come before, and what now exists.

Here at playgroup, the children and adults alike develop a feeling of belonging- and most crucially acceptance.

“At the start I was a bit nervous and didn’t know where I was and how I was to do this but as time went on, I grew into myself,” said Gwen.

While children can oftentimes be candid in a way that can sting, they also carry a pureness. They often show a gracious acceptance. One only needs to watch a toddler play with an elderly person, gently holding their hand, listening to each word they say- or watch on as a dog with muddy paws is welcomed to jump on their clean clothes and sit on their lap. They are not privy to the prejudice that can be imparted with societal influence and age. Gwen has seen life from both sides. 

“For me, I found it very hard at first to fit in because I felt like, I’m not like everyone else,” said Gwen.

“I was born with cerebral palsy. At times, throughout the journey I thought that I was not treated, but looked at differently, because of the way I walk, I do things differently, compared to other human beings but I would say to someone, just do you. Do what you dream of doing, have aspirations, dreams and go for it.”

Gwen has great appreciation for Maree, for this opportunity to be herself and to grow.

“It means the world to me as I told everyone before. I’ve grown up with kids, my cousins have kids, I am an aunty to a little seven-year-old boy. Every time I see kids, at first when they see me, they are a bit iffy to go up to me and say hi, but once they get to know me they come up to me and give me a cuddle. There’s one little girl in here Jasmine, she was a bit skeptical at first but every time she talks to her grandma, she says are we going to playgroup today to see Gwen.”

After the presentation, Gwen’s Mum said something that many parents can relate to: “She will always be my baby.”

“My Dad told me that once, your kids are always your kids and they are, they still are.”

When Gwen’s Mum was having a challenging time earlier in her life, she was encouraged to think of a time when her three children were young.

“I did that exercise to remember what my children were like when they were little, that was a happy time.

“It was always beautiful.”

Gwen’s Dad is close by, watching on.

Her parents appear as two strong pillars, not holding Gwen up, but standing not too far away, in support.

“If we told her she couldn’t come here, she would find a way to come here,” he said with a smile.

She now has an NDIS support person who brings her to work, but before this year, it was Gwen’s Dad who drove her in every morning and picked her up every night.

They were always first to arrive and often waited in the car park for someone to arrive and open the door.

“She would get me out of the house before eight,” said Gwen’s Dad. “She loves it. That is so important for her.”

Two proud parents. A proud daughter. The love between them is strong. Gwen also talks about her two brothers, who she describes as “supportive and loving”. They are special to her and she is special to them, the sibling relationship more enduring than almost any other.

As the playgroup session carries on, Gwen’s Dad gestures to her Mum that it is time for them to go.

“It's Gwen’s day now, we will let her enjoy. We were here to be with her, but now it is her time to show you what she does.”

Naseem, a grandmother, wants Gwen’s parents to know how special she is to the families here.

“Gwen is a beautiful, kind, soul. She is just beautiful with the children no matter what is going on, she always has a smile on her face and she is always there to comfort the children. Jasmine sometimes gets upset when kids take things from her and Gwen always gives her cuddles.”

“Jasmine comes to playgroup because she sees Gwen and Tracy- they’re waiting for her.”

Within a playgroup and within a neighbourhood house such as this, there is acceptance, something akin to being part of a football team, a church, a club or an extended family.

A woman at the neighbourhood centre stops to share a story of her time at the neighbourhood house. She said that she loved attending playgroup with her three children and learnt English through playgroup. She beams at the memory.

Anna, the current neighbourhood house manager, remarks that this is the case for many newly arrived migrants. Playgroup provides a safe and welcoming cocoon in which to learn and connect, just as the children do. They grow wings here.

“Playgroup in particular, I have a really strong passion for, working with, especially mums with young kids and families so given our community, many have recently arrived, the social isolation that comes with being a parent, especially first-time parent, I think it is really powerful to connect,” said Anna.

Maree was the coordinator here for 18 years, having only recently retired. She still comes along to the neighbourhood house and feels right at home. There are people knitting and playing cards. Children are getting immunized and along the walls there are various classes advertised: Zumba, watercolour classes, cooking classes.

It just so happens that a neighbourhood house was the first place Maree attended when she arrived in Melbourne:

“When I moved, the first place I went to was a neighbouhood house. I knew nothing about neighbouhood houses then but the first place I went, I got the booklet in my letterbox and I went, I am going to go to that place and straight away I thought, I’ve found my people.”

“I think you’ll see that, we have our people at our neighbourhood house and community centre. It’s a sense of belonging and everyone needs a sense of belonging and has a right to that sense of belonging. It’s really important.”

Maree talks about the government identifying loneliness as a human issue of concern, post Covid. Maree said that they knew all about loneliness well before Covid and is glad that it is being acknowledged at a higher level.

“You can see here that there are all people, it doesn’t matter where you were born or what your background is, a neighbourhood house is for all people and if you are lonely, and a new mum, it’s quite challenging.”

Acting as a meeting place, quite literally, a neighbourhood house and playgroup, can change lives.

“My son is 36 and I am still in contact with a mum that I met at playgroup,” said Maree. “She lives in Traralgon and I live here, moved years ago, so it’s really important that connection.”

Maree said that it is often the beginning of things at a playgroup. They nurture the relationships at the neighbourhood house. They have mothers who now return pregnant or with new babies. Families arrive from overseas. They might be part of the before or after school program or volunteering or they might become part of the committee of governance.

“So it is this whole cycle of being involved in a neighbourhood house.”

“Watching that generational thing is pretty special,” said Maree.

For Gwen, the neighbourhood house has been a home away from home. For the people who attend the playgroup, it can provide a sense of home, too.

“Playgroups are here to encourage parents to look outside the box and to interact with different people from different cultures, backgrounds and make friends and especially if they are a new parent and coming to this environment that he or she aren’t used to.”

“Playgroup makes you feel wanted and involved in the community,” said Gwen.

Wanted and involved. That too is a human right, adjoining with a right to belong and to play, safely and freely. To be accepted for who you truly are.

Part way through Gwen’s voluntary work at playgroup, Maree asked if Gwen would be interested in doing some training. Gwen said, oh no. She did not think she would be able to do that.

Maree responded:

“Well I don’t ask people to do things unless I know they can do them and I know.”

Gwen went on to receive her Certificate Three in childcare and enjoyed her work placement at the neighbouhood centre, a safe place that held familiarity and compassion.

“It sends a very clear message to mothers with children who may have a disability or may have some sort of special need- you are not defined by a disability,” said Maree. “It is about finding a champion or mentor who can evolve that person into what they can achieve, because we can all achieve amazing things, we just need to find out what that amazing thing is.”

Gwen has now been a fully qualified member of the playgroup team for nine years.

When Gwen is asked what she would tell people who may feel hesitant, who are perhaps struggling or unsure or lacking a sense of belonging in life, she passes on another gift- of kindness, of encouragement, of self-belief.

“I would tell them, that you are who you are, to not change who you are.”

What Gwen might not know is how her words of encouragement impact others. She may not know how valued she makes people feel. She may not know that her smile and enthusiasm and kindness that her colleagues speak of, makes us want to be better and return that kindness to others. Gwen might not know that as she wipes away the salty tears from her eyes, others do too, for the goodness she inspires and reminds us of.

“To accomplish great things we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan but also believe.”- Anatole France

Article by Sinead Halliday
Photography by Mylie Nauendorf